For my dear husband

Writing about you, our relationship, our friendship, our team is difficult because no words can explain how thankful I am to have this lifetime spent with you. Though at times, we don't understand each other, we have difficulties and we get to each other's nerves, please know that I can live because of you, that I am at my best version of myself because you pushed me to be better, to do more and to grow more -with you. You inspire me to reach for my dreams and to think positive even at difficult times.

People often asks me, may pinagaawayan pa ba kayo? You look so happy together.
Maybe because we chose our battles wisely, we don't show others our struggles because were mature enough to solve it on our own.

Thank you for everything.

I love you.

Holiday realizations

I haven't been updating my blog. Huhu! I AM SORRY.

Anyway, I opened my brother's hard drive and found old pictures and videos of me and my ex. Epic! My first reaction was: Ang payat ko. OMG. I need to get back in shape. PLEASE. and as I continue to browse, I felt happy because what I saw are good memories. As in literal na Laughing Out Loud. HAHAHA! He was my bestfriend since 4th year high school until 2010. I don't regret giving up our friendship because it led me to a much more good life. 

P.S. If ever my ex's wife read this, okay lang na ijudge mo ako na hindi pa ako nakapagmove on or bitter. Hehe! I'm just happy. And I want to thank you for giving my ex-bestfriend a life he deserves. :)

Anyway...

Today, I am so thankful to God that he gave everything that I needed. Iba kapag dumating ka na sa point sa buhay mo na sobrang kuntento ka na. I'm turning 29 this year and I'm thinking what I want to give myself or iparegalo (HAHAHA) kaso... wala na ako maisip na material things. 

All I want?

- Learn new skills

- To gain more experience 

- To be a better version of myself

- To see the world

- To work and reach my dreams

- To have a better career

- To be selfless

and for me to have this? Is just to work on myself more. Ewan, mamamatay na ata ako sa sobrang pagkaover thankful ko. Hehehe! 

<3 Mrs. D

Marriage 101: Fights - Do we have to tell others?

Ali and I are still new to being a married couple. We had several fights here and there, and were not used to telling other people our problems because we want to resolve it on our own.

Last weekend, we had a huge fight and we had to cancel our social events to fix our problem, compromise and reconcile. I am a little bit of guilty though because when my relatives asks me "why didn't you come? Nagtatampo na si Tito mo" I don't want to blurt to everyone that were having a problem and were trying to settle it. I am a very private person when it comes to my problems. I know, sometimes you have to seek help so it will not be a solo burden. But do I really need to tell everyone that we have a problem? I mean its for us to solve anyway. Right?

<3 Mrs. D

English Bulldog talk

I was having a stressful night because of my commute on the way to Blake's for my parents' wedding anniversary dinner. We had a scrumptious dinner, we talked about how everyone was doing, jokes, and my husband and dad's never ending car talks. We moved to our parent's house for dessert. that's when my husband blurted out: "My officemate is selling English Bulldog for only Php15,000!!!" So we all reacted: WEH!!! and I'm like: Sana di mo na bnrought up kasi I know you won't allow me to buy one kasi we live in a condo and no one will take care of it. Huhubels! and then my husband changed the topic. Okaaaaaaayy...
A brief background: I am a dog lover!!! and my husband knows that I super super wish to have one ever since. I like the english bulldog because its extremely cute, lazy and can grow like a pig. HAHAHA! That makes it cute btw. So I always ask my husband to bring me to Tiendesitas for a free realness (viewing and touching) of EBulldog. Its also so expensive -- tumataginting na 45K!!! Anyway...

On our way home, Ali brought the English bulldog topic again and I told him how I felt (na sana he didn't brought it up nalang bla bla) then he said:
You know, I would love to buy you one kasi it will bring you extreme happiness lalo na sa akin kasi I know you'll love it. Kaya nga nagssource ako eh, kaya lang I want you to understand na hindi pa pwede kasi nasa condo tayo and walang maiiwan sa kanya, sa liit ng condo, di naman tayo pwede maglagay ng cage nya dun and also imagine the smell of his poops. Don't worry, if nakalipat na tayo yun ang unang una kong ibibigay sayo. 

Explanation SOLD!!! I love how my husband put my happiness in his priorities and I'm very thankful for his way of making me understand things. I am blessed because God gave me someone whos the exact opposite of me so we can exchange our different views and learn from each other.

Lalala...

<3 Mrs. D

New beginnings

The negativity, the unprofessionalism, the backstabbing, the unwanted relationship --- I had to end it all. Though I still miss my previous work, I had to move forward. I am very lucky to be accepted in one of the leading Online Travel Agencies in Asia. I'm still on training and I managed to go to work 1 hour before. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Oo, ako to si Liah at hindi ito panaginip!

Anyway, I am really working hard to sustain my punctuality nowadays. Though I got late at my gardening workshop last Saturday, I still managed to go to work very early for 7 days now. YEHEY!  I'm so proud of myself! And I kinda like it. Fourteen more days to go so I can make it a habit. And then I'll be influencing my husband as well.

I'm trying to get my mojo back because I'm lazy as hell, because I'm still learning and not busy at work.

Dilation and Curettage

A procedure to scrape and collect the tissue (endometrium) from inside the uterus. Dilation is a widening of the cervix to allow instruments into the uterus. Curettage is the scraping of the walls of the uterus.


After I found out that our Baby D died in my womb after a week of my last ultrasound, we still waited a week and a half for me to bleed and contract naturally. And maybe our baby still wants to be with me because I didn't feel any contractions or blood spotting at all. So my doctor advised me to go back to her last Friday, but due to work related matters, I postponed my visit and instead went to the hospital early the next day. As my ever supportive Mom went with me because Ali needs to report for work (I love you Ma for being with me the whole time). 

My doctor looked at my cervix and it still not open. So she puts a gel medicine for me to contract and bleed. My Mom was with me the whole time in the hallway of the delivery room. I heard new born babies crying every hour and I just felt so hurt at that time that I can't stop crying. I called "GOD" and still didn't ask any questions. Maybe my Mom saw me crying so she talked to me to help me calm down. 

Everyone knows that I'm afraid of operations/ surgery of any kind. Like my lips! I didn't ask my parents to fix my lips because I'm too afraid to have a plastic surgery kahit sabihin pa nila na malayo sa bituka at sandali lang ang operation-- I don't care. I lived with it for the past 28 years and its still present until now. Its my battle scar, my trade mark, my agimat and my beauty secret (maganda pa rin ako kahit may menchi ako. Lelz) All I'm saying is that, I'm not ready for an instant operation. I prepared myself for baby delivery procedure or CS but not D and C. It's too soon indavance ng 6 months! Eh wala naman ako magagawa. I just have to suck it all up and give it to God. As God is greater than anything lalo na ang fear ko. I know God will take care of me. Kaya when I started bleeding, I actually felt nothing. When the nurses started to move me to the operating room, parang wala na ako sa sarili, I let go. 

The last question that I answered was "Saan ka nakatira Liah?" and I'm out. I woke up at the recovery room. I woke up crying knowing that my baby is gone forever and he/she is not in my tummy anymore. "GOD"...

After two and a half hours (30 minutes D & C procedure and 2 hours recovery) I stepped out of the pre-labor room and saw my family waiting for me. I felt warm, I felt loved, I felt complete and still blessed because they were there smiling at me. I let go, I let God take over me. 

Four days after my operation, I'm still staying here at my parents house. I'm very thankful for my husband because he always encourages me to be strong - though alam niya na deep inside me I'm still hurt (physically and emotionally), my parents because they've been with us from the start. My Mom and Dad took a leave from their work just to take care of me. Thank you to my Lolas, Lolo, Titas and cousins who visited me at my parents' house and to all wished me to be well. Thank you God for keeping me safe and for taking care of Baby D. 

Alam ko God, ibabalik mo to sa amin. Alam ko may plano ka para sa amin. Ikaw na bahala... 

Our first Baby D

There's a feeling that I can't seem to figure out after my period got delayed for just 2 days. So I took a pregnancy test. POSITIVE!!! I woke Ali at 6am and the first thing he said to me is: "Gusto mo ng fruits?" Hahaha! We bought another PT and once again, positive. We are now pregnant! I announced it to our reunion (this was on the day when I took the PT). My whole family was so excited for us!

I went to my OB for my first check up and first IE. She told us the do's and don'ts, what vitamins and meds to take and scheduled me for my first ever ultrasound.

Ultrasound day came, and we confirmed that we are really pregnant! I have a healthy uterus, yolk sac, a growing embryo and everything was fine. Ali and I are so happy and overflowing with love. This baby brought instant joy to me and my family. My next schedule of ultrasound and fetal heartbeat was at 3 weeks. Well, to tell you honestly, I was more excited to see my baby again than Holyweek, Hahaha!

My pregnancy was easy, I didn't have nausea, morning sickness etc, My "lihi" stage begun and I want to eat Santol. Its so funny because Santol will only be available on June. My husband, family, my family's friends and office mates are all looking for santol! Oh I sooooo feel loved. My Tita from the states went to La Union and Baguio and they are looking for Santol. Nakakataba lang ng puso. Oh Baby D, you are so loved and you're not even born yet!

Fetal Hearbeat day came and my doctor didn't seem to see a heartbeat, blood coloration or moving tissue. I was so heartbroken. This is much worse and much painful than any other pain that I experienced for the past 28 years. My tears start to fall when my doctor told us that there's no heartbeat. My husband, strong as he is, told me to keep calm and don't assume until she talked to us further regarding Baby D's condition. When I saw the findings, it is considered an early intrauterine fetal demise or fetal death. I still managed to control my tears and even smile at my doctor.

She told me that she'll give me another week because sometimes (not to give me us a false hope) there's a miracle. Na bigla nalang merong heartbeat. So we will be back next Monday for another ultrasound and hopefully hear Baby D's heartbeat. If still no sign of pumping, or growing then I'm sorry, we have to say goodbye to our first Baby D.

I broke down in the car on our way home. I am talking to our Baby D in my head and praying for him. Yun na lang naman ang magagawa ko. To pray that he'll continue to grow, to develop a heartbeat. I don't have the right to question God why this happened. Kaya nga ang nasabi ko lang is "GOD". I just called his name, yun lang, because I know he has a better plan for us and for our Baby.

It hurts a lot and I mean A LOT! I can't stop crying when I think about it. Looking at my last ultrasound was so painful. Thankfully I have my husband, my Mom and Dad to support me. Its devastating to think about the time that they will have to remove him inside my tummy. Its like I want him there nalang. I don't want to detach myself to him because he will be forever gone.

My dearest Baby D,  Mommy and Daddy loves you sooooooooooooo much. If you can still grow, please do because there are so many people waiting for you and wants to love you too! But if you want to rest, and you're in pain, Mommy will understand. You'll be in a much happier place and God will take care of you. But I'm still hoping to meet you soon, okay? Mahal na mahal kita, anak.

"GOD" ...

Sunday Ramblings

I thank God for my loving, hard working, kind and generous partner, my life changer, husband. Even though we are total opposites of each other, he compliments my well being, he fills up the blank space in my life and my weakness are his strengths. I could go on and on about our relationship. 

As a married couple, I know that were just starting our journey in this hard but inspiring adventure of togetherness. We still have a long way to go but I see us pulling each other up. We are a team, we make sure that we agree and compromise on each other's needs and give each other space to grow as an individual. We truly love each other and we are devoted on our marriage duties as husband and wife. We learn from each other and we learn from others' experiences. 

Just recently, I heard some sad stories about a friend having a hard time with her marriage. Its just sad to know that she's only been married for 7 months and now having trouble with her husband. She's getting advice from me on how to fix their problems but she's always saying: "I just wish that I didn't marry him" I am really bothered by this. You took a vow, in front of your families, friends, office mates and most importantly to God that you will be there for each other for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health. 

Her husband (as per my friend's story) changed after they got married. They don't talk and they argue a lot to the point that they want to rip their marriage contracts apart. My friend was bothered by her husband's reaction when she's looking at his phone. She's suspecting that her husband has a deeper "friend" relationship with his colleague, which I hope is not true. I wish and pray for them.

I am just blessed that I have Ali in my life. He's my rock and my world. He's not only a good provider but the bestestest luvah! Thank you God for giving me such a great person and a marriage with no pretensions.

<3 MRS. D

On Career: Don't make others look bad so you can uplift yourself.

In the corporate world, we all know that to be able to climb up the ladder you really have to work your hardest and compete with other colleagues who are also fit in the position. I believe that and I know how hard it is to compete with your colleagues whom you made friends with. As my previous boss said:

"It is a friendly competition"

Although many of us take this light, or in a friendly manner, some just give in to dirty fights. They'll do everything and anything to make others look bad just to uplift themselves, and for me its just WRONG. May pinaghuhugutan talaga ako. Hahaha! 

Soon I'll be transferring to another department with a higher position. (YES, I'm bragging about my somehow PROMOTION. Hohoho! Thank you God!) Someone told my superior that I am not doing well with my work and I didn't took care of my accounts. Somehow it hit me, yes, maybe I didn't give my best, maybe I didn't hit my targets for a few months, maybe I didn't have a good relationship with my clients and I am very lazy to go on provincial sales calls.

Then the other part of my brain talks, yes, you didn't give your best but look at where you are right now? Soon to be in a higher position, the position you are aiming for since you started working. You didn't hit your targets for a few months, but the Hotel Manager saw a potential in you that you can sell. 

I told my husband what happened. He just smiled and said: "Darling, they're just insecure. So don't mind them and just be happy that God has blessed you" That time, I think God is talking to me through my husband. There are so many people that will bring me down but no matter what they do, what they say and what they think, you just have to keep getting better. The sweetest revenge is for them to see that you're happy and successful. Lalala... *insert happy dance here*

I'll just leave you with my husband's word of wisdom:

"Being kind is easy and being rude is easier. But if you chose to be kind, it will give you a satisfying feeling of happiness"

<3 Mrs. D

My First Color Manila 3k Run Challenge

As I begun the year 2015, I pledged to myself to fully commit into fitness and be in my ideal weight, 100lbs to be exact by the end of the year (or earlier because we were planning to have a baby soon!). On January, I tried Zumba again until end of February, but still, my mind made excuses, my body chose the couch potato that I got used to for the past year.

Few weeks back I was looking for an inspiration to get my lazy ass going. Then I saw a colleague from my past work who aims to finish the 42k Bull Runner Marathon. Her journey to 42k took one whole year. She runs, do yoga, dance and lift weights, even when she travels, she never left her running shoes behind. Then the day of her 42k race came and she finished first! I am so happy for her though we never talked that much but yes, I'm still happy for her from a far. Hehehe!

My previous post is also connected with this. Click Here

"There are no lucky people in this world. Whatever me, you or they have - appearance, family, money, success, sport, career, children - was achieved by a lot of stress, determination and hellish HARD work."

I want to have something to achieve, something to accomplish for myself. To have that sense of fulfillment.  This pushed me to sign up for the Color Manila Run on April 19, 2015 at Mall of Asia. So I still have 28 days to train.

I signed up for a 3K run challenge. I know its not a big deal but for me it is. It will be my first time to join a marathon and aiming to finish with a medal. I joined a few fun runs before but I ended up walking and not finishing it. 

I am currently researching for a 28 day running plan to help me succeed in this marathon. I have low endurance and stamina so I MUST work on that. It can also help me get back on track for my fitness goals. 
I started practicing yoga yesterday and danced hip-hop abs at home. Hahaha! I'm counting it as my Day1. 

Wish me luck!

<3 Mrs. D

Different shades of my hair

I colored my hair with my usual shade of Thai Tamarind by Kolours. It is the first time that I will use it with a short hair. And It has come to my attention that my hair differs in color in different lighting ever since. Maybe because I used to many? or the multiple layering of color in my hair? Hahaha! I just thank my hair for not dying up on me. Sa dami ng pinagdaanan ng buhok ko, buhay at maganda pa rin sya - at least for me. HAHA!

 Here, my hair looks like its in Chestnutty brown.

 

Here, it looks reddish

 

Here, its brown.

Its just amazing how lighting can effect the color of your hair. Try it!

<3 Mrs. D

 

Ali's Birthday

Yesterday Ali celebrated his 27th birthday. Weee! Nagpantay na ulit ang age namin. HOHOHO! I surprised him with birthday cupcakes from J Cupcakes. We had lunch at Kamayan in Antipolo together with his officemates and our Ninang and we went out for a birthday date in Buffet 101 in Eastwood.

To the man who never fails to make me fall in love with life, the one who makes me, push me and keeping me better, who fights for me, protects me and makes me feel so secure, who not only provide for our needs but makes sure we have a comfortable everyday life and still continues to give me unconditional love, words are not enough to describe a very nice person like you. My strength and joy, my lovey, honey, babe, Happiest Birthday!!! 

May God continue to bless you with a loving heart, happiness for you to share unlimited laughter to everyone around you, patience so you can give quality service for your clients and lastly, strong and healthy body so you can play with our future anaks when we get old. I love you so much babe!!!

<3 your Mrs. D

Sense of Fullfilment

"Some days I'm extremely focus on my career development and future goals. Other days, I just want to quit and become a housewife and bake shit" 

Saw this on my MUA's Instagram post. WOW. I am so feeling this!!! I know I am so blessed because God gave me a full time job, I'm lucky that I've been accepted to three big companies known in the Philippines. I can provide, I can buy and I have the pleasure of buying things that I want and need because of my job. Work is a blessing. (Please slap that to my face. HARD)

After spending three and a half years in the bank industry, I've been promoted once, got an award for being one of the top sellers of the month in our area and joined a cheering competition which by the way, we won 2nd place. I enjoyed it there. I love what I do, I love the people I worked with and most importantly, I always feel a sense of fullfilment. I have goals, I have so many dreams, I wanted to become a good banker and rise high in the corporate ladder.

Then I got tired, lazy, restless, incontented. Suddenly I became lost and I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. Lucky girl that I am, I got accepted in a Hotel industry where you have to work 6 full days a week, you must have an initiative to do things so you can brought something to the table and a position where you'll going to be stuck for a very veeerrrryyyy looooong time. There will be no promotions (as in none at all) Maybe that's what I'm lacking? That sense of fullfilment? From promotions or any activities that can wake up my lazy ass. I wanted to go back to the bank industry and feel that sense of fullfilment again.

My ever supportive husband told me that nothing comes easy. He sends me articles that can "cure" my discomfort. One article said:

"There are no lucky people in this world. Whatever me, you or they have - appearance, family, money, success, sport, career, children - was achieved by a lot of stress, determination and hellish HARD work."

Which I dearly understand. For now, as I am on the process of seeking a bank related job, I will continue to work (not so hard, bahahaha), will try to still love what I do and enjoy perks of having a free lunch everyday, free internet access and of course getting paid by it. HAHAHA!

Help me?

<3 Mrs D

New Hair Do

I've been itching (figuratively. Haha!) to cut my hair short for a long time now. I've also been arguing with myself and Ali if I really wanted to cut it short. Reasons have been going thru my mind...

Advantage number one: Less shampoo and conditioner to be used. Meaning? More savings!
Advantage number two: I am not one of those girls who really put time and effort fix their hair in the morning. I comb my hair after I take a bath and that's about it. Wala na ulit suklayan the whole day. I call it "sukmay" suklay-kamay. No hairdryers, no hair iron or hair curlers. I'm thaaaaat lazy with my hair. So being in a short do means very low maintenance and less suklay! Hehe!
Advantage number three: My head feels so light!!!
Advantage number four: I look neat and clean. Yehey! Plus Ali agreed that I look mature on my new hair! Pumapasa pa kasi akong Highschool. HAHAHA!

Disadvantage number one: I look fat, but sometimes I don't. Labo.
Disadvantage number two: I can't tie my hair. Well, somehow its also an advantage because there will be no curl in my hair. But when I exercise and with all that pawis? Ugh. GOODLUCK!

Four out of two... Kaya hello shorty!

I wanted a long bob looked like this

So I went to Azta Urban Salon to get my dream short hair.

It was shorter than what I expected. (I am so nervous while Melai was cutting my hair) but it turned out so well! I look chubbier nga lang. KEBS! Hahaha!

So there... I'm so happy with it and so is my husband, who said: You look mature and sexy. I LIKE!
Husband approved! Yehey!

AZTa Urban Salon
3rd Floor, Robinsons Metro East


<3 Mrs. D