Our first Baby D

There's a feeling that I can't seem to figure out after my period got delayed for just 2 days. So I took a pregnancy test. POSITIVE!!! I woke Ali at 6am and the first thing he said to me is: "Gusto mo ng fruits?" Hahaha! We bought another PT and once again, positive. We are now pregnant! I announced it to our reunion (this was on the day when I took the PT). My whole family was so excited for us!

I went to my OB for my first check up and first IE. She told us the do's and don'ts, what vitamins and meds to take and scheduled me for my first ever ultrasound.

Ultrasound day came, and we confirmed that we are really pregnant! I have a healthy uterus, yolk sac, a growing embryo and everything was fine. Ali and I are so happy and overflowing with love. This baby brought instant joy to me and my family. My next schedule of ultrasound and fetal heartbeat was at 3 weeks. Well, to tell you honestly, I was more excited to see my baby again than Holyweek, Hahaha!

My pregnancy was easy, I didn't have nausea, morning sickness etc, My "lihi" stage begun and I want to eat Santol. Its so funny because Santol will only be available on June. My husband, family, my family's friends and office mates are all looking for santol! Oh I sooooo feel loved. My Tita from the states went to La Union and Baguio and they are looking for Santol. Nakakataba lang ng puso. Oh Baby D, you are so loved and you're not even born yet!

Fetal Hearbeat day came and my doctor didn't seem to see a heartbeat, blood coloration or moving tissue. I was so heartbroken. This is much worse and much painful than any other pain that I experienced for the past 28 years. My tears start to fall when my doctor told us that there's no heartbeat. My husband, strong as he is, told me to keep calm and don't assume until she talked to us further regarding Baby D's condition. When I saw the findings, it is considered an early intrauterine fetal demise or fetal death. I still managed to control my tears and even smile at my doctor.

She told me that she'll give me another week because sometimes (not to give me us a false hope) there's a miracle. Na bigla nalang merong heartbeat. So we will be back next Monday for another ultrasound and hopefully hear Baby D's heartbeat. If still no sign of pumping, or growing then I'm sorry, we have to say goodbye to our first Baby D.

I broke down in the car on our way home. I am talking to our Baby D in my head and praying for him. Yun na lang naman ang magagawa ko. To pray that he'll continue to grow, to develop a heartbeat. I don't have the right to question God why this happened. Kaya nga ang nasabi ko lang is "GOD". I just called his name, yun lang, because I know he has a better plan for us and for our Baby.

It hurts a lot and I mean A LOT! I can't stop crying when I think about it. Looking at my last ultrasound was so painful. Thankfully I have my husband, my Mom and Dad to support me. Its devastating to think about the time that they will have to remove him inside my tummy. Its like I want him there nalang. I don't want to detach myself to him because he will be forever gone.

My dearest Baby D,  Mommy and Daddy loves you sooooooooooooo much. If you can still grow, please do because there are so many people waiting for you and wants to love you too! But if you want to rest, and you're in pain, Mommy will understand. You'll be in a much happier place and God will take care of you. But I'm still hoping to meet you soon, okay? Mahal na mahal kita, anak.

"GOD" ...

I need to love myself a little more

I think what I'm lacking is the love for myself part. I had so many grudges, I can't control my anger anymore, take it all out on Ali, self pity, and thinking that I am a "victim" all the time. They say that you should love yourself first before you love others or asking them to do the "loving" before yourself. Which I agree and I am looking forward to do and start asap.

and when is the bestest time to start? --- No better time other than today, that is because it is Valentines Day. Love is not only for lovers, but its love for your self, family and friends as well. 

What to do...

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. (STOP LOOKING AT FACEBOOK!)

- Our fight last night was about his company event and I am sulking the whole night because I didn't have a date or a surprise from him. Because yes, I envy those girls who got surprises from their husbands on the eve of Valentines. I just wanted to have flowers or potted flower plant, I want him to give me chocolates, or a letter. A LOVE LETTER. But he shows up 2am having no surprise/flowers/letter/chocolates. Sumama talaga loob ko. I want to feel loved and appreciated.

Realization:  If I hadn't looked and spent the night looking on Facebook, I think there's a little chance that I didn't sulk or envy. Maybe, I will be grateful that I am with my family celebrating my cousin's 19th birthday and cry for the "aww" moments of my uncle with his daughter. I should be laughing with my Titas, singing my heart out and just be thankful that my husband survived his 1st car show and went home as fast as he could to be with me and my family. 

2. I will start to write my blessings everyday. Write something I did good everyday and what I love about myself.

- It is when I write (kahit wrong grammar pa, kebs na!) that I have this realizations, good and bad. I need and want to count my blessings. To feel good about myself and to know what to improve about myself. I really want to change you know, its just so hard. Small steps. Small steps.

3. I want to be closer to God again. 

- Don't get me wrong here okay. I just don't pray as often as before. I go to church not every Sunday but to when my schedule is free nalang. And I think that I can't do this "love myself" program without his guidance. So I just need to put it here. 

4. Be inspired about what you like about other people and be that!

- What I like/ admire about other people is what I want to become. Examples:

Ali: I admire his passion for work. I admire his "helping" attitude. I admire his positivity.

Rinika: She's the most thoughtful person I know.

April: No lates, very very punctual.

My Mom: Very calm, Can control her feelings and the most generous person I know.

Judy: Her passion for makeup and looking good.

Mama: The most patient of all.

Iryss: Her initiative at work. 

Sigrid: No pretensions

Clang: Goal oriented. Knows what she wants. Career woman.

Kit: Also very patient, calm and always look good. 

CFCF: Her love for her family and friends

5. Exercise

- This is all about emotional and physical. Exercise helps me lose weight and losing weight means loving what I look like and my body. Though even though I'm fat (now) I still need to love my body, what I look like and be confident about it. 

6. Accept my flaws and change for the better.

- I know all of us have flaws and bad attitude. So I really need to identify my good and bad attitude to determine what I need to change and to improve. 

I have lots of work to do but I need to do this for myself. After myself, next is the people around me and how I influence and react towards them. 

I should do this more often. 

<3MrsD

Davao

It is my second time to go to Davao City. My first time was with my previous workmates. When we went there, we didn't explore the city but we went to Touristy places like Crocodile Farm, Eden Park and Davao Zoo.

I miss my workmates and all the fun adventures we did on my first time here but I didn't get to
explore the city more than I do on my second time around. Well it is because our main business why we went here is for business and to promote our Hotels and Resorts. I am forever grateful for this opportunity that my company has given me. I am just lucky to have a company that shares my best interest in life - traveling. Talking about mixing business with pleasure.

We stayed at Pinnacle Hotel. It is located at the heart of Davao City, a few minutes walk from Gaisano Mall and Matina Central. They were kind to accept our request for an early check in because we had an early 7AM flight.

 After a few cat naps we headed to Nanay Bebeng's for a heavy lunch. This is the start of our Davao food trips. Hahaha! Nanay Bebeng's serves local Davao specialties like Crabs, Tuna, Blue Marlin, Sinigang etc. in buffet style! OMG. PAPAK KUNG PAPAK! I love their young corn dish. Yun ata yung talagang pinapak ko aside from crabs. Haha!

 We started working after lunch and after a long work day, we had a cute dinner at Sea Green Cafe in Magsaysay Ave. It is a cute cafe with my current favorite color design (Sea green / sea foam green), very chic and with rustic theme. I like how this cafe made me feel so relaxed and very homey knowing that this day was a very energy draining one. So Comfort food it is! We ordered three different kinds of pasta, Vegetable Pesto Pasta, Salmon Carbonara and Plain carbonara. All three pasta was so good and the best part is, it is all organic! The owner was also very accommodating.

Our first day in Davao was definitely a game changer for us. We called 10 accounts in our half day and most importantly, I had a great time with these ladies because I got to know them more deeply.

<3 Mrs. D

Sunday Ramblings

I thank God for my loving, hard working, kind and generous partner, my life changer, husband. Even though we are total opposites of each other, he compliments my well being, he fills up the blank space in my life and my weakness are his strengths. I could go on and on about our relationship. 

As a married couple, I know that were just starting our journey in this hard but inspiring adventure of togetherness. We still have a long way to go but I see us pulling each other up. We are a team, we make sure that we agree and compromise on each other's needs and give each other space to grow as an individual. We truly love each other and we are devoted on our marriage duties as husband and wife. We learn from each other and we learn from others' experiences. 

Just recently, I heard some sad stories about a friend having a hard time with her marriage. Its just sad to know that she's only been married for 7 months and now having trouble with her husband. She's getting advice from me on how to fix their problems but she's always saying: "I just wish that I didn't marry him" I am really bothered by this. You took a vow, in front of your families, friends, office mates and most importantly to God that you will be there for each other for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health. 

Her husband (as per my friend's story) changed after they got married. They don't talk and they argue a lot to the point that they want to rip their marriage contracts apart. My friend was bothered by her husband's reaction when she's looking at his phone. She's suspecting that her husband has a deeper "friend" relationship with his colleague, which I hope is not true. I wish and pray for them.

I am just blessed that I have Ali in my life. He's my rock and my world. He's not only a good provider but the bestestest luvah! Thank you God for giving me such a great person and a marriage with no pretensions.

<3 MRS. D

Blog Schedule

I've been so SOOOO busy with work since April and because my new job demands tremendous amount of time, I didn't have the luxury to write anymore. I am not complaining about the time struggle, but I am so grateful (more than grateful actually) that I had the opportunity of doing my dream job. I am enjoying every tiny bit of my new work that my weeks and hours became so fast.

I plan to write every Sunday morning, while my husband is still sleeping soundly, while I am done or still cooking breakfast and after watering my one and only Theon. I need to catch up on my blog because I have so many kwentos and chikkas for all my readers out there. (as if I have one! Lelz)

So let's start with our house. My husband and I decided to rearrange our little nook because we bought a new bed. Yey!!! Its white, like a box and has a storage or a third person bed.

We have been sleeping overtime in our new bed. Consequence? Were always running late for work. Ang sarap kaya matulog kapag may kama. Hahaha! Our family and friends are always teasing us that because of our new bed, the baby they are all looking forward to is abruptly coming. Wish us well! Hehe!

Another addition to our home is our Pinewood Dining. We are still planning to cut the table because it will eat up a lot of space. Its too long and good for a four seater. We bought it at Pioneer seat and table sale. We got the three pieces at only Php3,500!!! Great catch! Will post about Pioneer Sales soon. 

Lastly is our dear Theon. My Mom as a plant lover like my Lolo, bought a Kalachuchi dwarf plant at Manila East Greenhouse. This is where we bought our wedding souvenirs to our Principal Sponsors. So Tita ( I didn't get her name) remembers me and gave me a small Kalachuchi plant. And because it will be my FIRST ever plant in my life, I decided to give it a name. Theon :) A little history where I got the name Theon: My husband and I are so fond of watching Game of Thrones and Theon Greyjoy has the cutest name. That's all. HAHAHA! 

Theon grew leaves and became taller each and every week! That's why I have a Theon album in my phone where I took picture of him every week. He was like our first baby, a living thing in our house, a thing that actually leans on me (by lean, I mean watering, fertilizing and putting him in the sun). At Theon's second week, my husband says: "Si Theon parang puno na" I laughed so hard!!! I guess I have a green thumb after all. 

Theon at 1 week

Theon at 2 weeks

Theon at 3 weeks

I always smile when my husband and I talk about how fast Theon grew in 3 weeks. It was like a real baby to us and it reflect how we are as soon to be parents. When I forgot to place Theon in the sun, my husband will place him and water him too! It feels so good to see my husband take care of something (a living thing) other than our car. Hehehe! 

Anyway, I'm getting hungry.. So see you next Sunday!