Forty Four

January 30, 2015 was declared by the Philippine Government as "National Mourning Day"
This day is our country's tribute for the forty four fallen soldiers of SAF (Special Action Force) who was fighting for peace in Mamasapano, Maguindanao. 

I was watching the whole eulogy coverage and I my heart was really broken (I was crying all the time) by the look of their Commanders, Parents, Brothers, Sisters, Daughters, Sons and most of all their loving Wives. When Mrs. Pabalinas took the flatform and made her speech, this was the very moment I started to cry. 
I remember some part of her speech:

"Behind every strong SAF troupers, is a brave wife" 

She also narrates the story of their last conversation the night he went to his mission: 

Mrs. Pabalinas: "Daddy, wag ka na umalis?"

SAF Pabalinas: "Ayan ka nanaman, hindi mo nanaman naiintindihan"

Daughter: "Oo nga Daddy, wag ka na umalis, gabi na, baka kunin ka ng bad guys"

I feel for her. I feel for her daughter. The pain, the sacrifice, everything.

I was just getting too emotional because my dear husband dreamed of becoming a Police Officer. AYOKOOOO... Hindi ko kakayanin ang ganong sakit. I thought, if my husband was one of them, paano na ako? Where will I get the strength to push thru with my life? How will I continue? So many questions...

I told Ali about my thoughts and he said: "Alam mong ayoko ng ganyang usapan. Hindi mangyayari yun, matagal na matagal pa tayong magsasama" Knowing my husband, yes, he will not entertain this kind of thoughts, but I can't help it. Lalo na sa panahong ganito. He is a very positive person that he always gets mad at me when I talk stuffs about dying.

My heart and prayers goes to the families and the brave forty four fallen soldiers that sacrificed their life and their chance to be with their families just to fight for peace. 

<3 Mrs. D